JOKES!

A blond walked into a hairdresser with headphones on and said to the hairdresser, "Do anything with my hair, but don't take the earphones off". So the hairdresser started to cut but was finding it pretty difficult, so he thinks "What could happen if I took the Headphones off?", and he took them off. The blond dropped dead straight away.

"Oh My gosh" said the hairdresser, puzzled. "What is so special about these headphone" and he put them on.

Out of the headphones, he heard, "Breath In, Breath Out. Breath In, Breath Out..."

You know you are a RedNeck if.....

-You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws!

-The book value of your car goes up and down depending on how much petrol it has in it!

-The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbours!

-The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife!

-Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand!

-Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner!

-You can get dog hair from out of your belly button!

-Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same class!

-You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner!

Q: Did you hear about the new 3 Million Dollar Redneck State Lottery?

A: The winner gets 3 dollars a year for a million years.


In the back woods of West Virginia, a redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called to assist in the delivery.

Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another one to come."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern... It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.

The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"

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Computers!

There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong. The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere. Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion. "Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again and maybe it'll work!"



Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors. "If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "You would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour," says Gates. "Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50," he continues. In response to all this goading, the GM chairman replies, "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"



Cup Holder Warranty??? True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I have warranty, how do I go about getting it fixed?"
Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have a trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."

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Indian!

WHAT DO YOU CALL A SIRDAR WHO ONLY DRINKS BEER?

Just-beer Singh.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A SIRDAR WHO ONLY HAS ONE DRINK?

Just-one Singh.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A FEMALE KHALISTAN TERRORIST?

Hard Kaur.



The doctor told the sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, the sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem."What's the problem?" asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 kms away from my home now."



There is this Good Ol' Barber in some city in US.

One day a Florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies: 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'. The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies: 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'. The Cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen Donuts waiting at his door.

A Desi Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and barber replies; 'I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service'. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there -

A Dozen Desis waiting for a free Haircut....



Two Pakistanis boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff a fat, little Indian guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Pakistanis. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Pakistani in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a coke." "No problem," said the Indian. "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Pakistani picked up the Indian's shoe and spit in it. When the Indian returned with the coke, the other Pakistani said, "That looks good.I think I'll have one too." Again, the Indian obligingly went to fetch it, and while he is gone the Pakistani other picked up the other shoe and spit in it. The Indian returned with the coke, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York. As the plane was landing the Indian slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" the Indian asked. "This enmity between our people..... this hatred... this animosity... this spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"



Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes".

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken.

On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."

The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."



Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."



Conversation between Bill Gates and our very own Laloo of Bihar

Gates : Namaskar! you must have heard of Windows.
Laloo : Oh yes! most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.

Gates : At home have u installed Windows?
Laloo : I have removed all windows due to increased burgalaries in our house.

Gates(Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Laloo : OPERATION? Yes, I had a Hernia operation last month.

Gates(Sweating) : Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Laloo: Oh Yes! Due to increased mosquito problems many people are sleeping under the net.

Gates: By the year 2000 India should export computer chips.
Laloo: We are already exporting Uncle Chips.

Gates(Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?
Laloo: My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.

Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.
Laloo: I have exhuasted all my leave.

Gates: I have no energy left, let us go out and have a bite.
Laloo: BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.

Gates: (System Crashes and Found Missing).
"Windows is restarting.Please wait............."